lysachan's creations (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} vesikirppu) wrote,@ 2008-06-15 17:44:00 |
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criminal minds - mystery of the missing video tape [picfic] 2/2
Title: Mystery of the Missing Video Tape (2/2)
Author:lysachan
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Paring: Emily/JJ
Word count: 1,519 / 50 images
Rating: R (for bad language)
Summary: A video tape containing scandalous material goes missing, much to Emily & JJ's dismay.
Part I
Chapter VII
Garcia had narrowed down the location of the tape to two possibilities. How exactly she'd managed to do that, no one knew. Again, all that IP address shit.
While they were waiting for the exact addresses, JJ decided to get a cup of coffee – and muse about her current situation.
The blonde wasn't quite sure what she ought to do with Emily. Because while all she wanted was to grab the other woman by the lapels of her deliciously cut, red shirt and ravish her, she couldn't really do that. She couldn't just walk up to Emily and propose a round two in the second floor copy room.
...wait. Why the hell not?
JJ was just about to go find the nearest closet when Morgan walked in.
And so, an unpassable opportunity presented itself.
"Hey, Morgan. Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," he replied right away, but then quickly looked back at her. "Or, is this a new version of your 'how many press liaisons does is take to change a light bulb?' joke?"
"Ha! No. But damn, that was a funny joke. 'We can liaise in the dark'."
"I really do not have time for this." Morgan rolled his eyes and moved past JJ.
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I just wanted your opinion on how I should seduce Emily. The whole dinner & a movie before going to my place, or straight to handcuffs and whipped cream?"
Morgan turned around in a speed of light.
"What?"
"Well, you're a man. How would you do it?"
"We are so not having this conversation!"
"I mean, slipping her a note saying I want to shag her senseless, get married in Paris and adopt Chinese babies with her is a tad too forward, don't you think?"
"God, help me," Morgan muttered and stared at JJ like she'd completely lost her mind.
"God? Hmm... No, I don't think God is the right way to go here, really."
Morgan assessed the situation and came to the conclusion that he should just go along with it, because cooperating seemed to be the fastest way to escape the insanity of the female world he found himself trapped in.
"Well...maybe you should just, you know, ahem, talk to her? Tell her how you feel?"
"Oh, I can't possibly do that, now can I? That means there would be no misunderstandings, no false expectations and a peace of mind. Are you sure the whipped cream trick wouldn't work?"
"JJ, talk to her and get all of us out of our misery. And from what I've gathered, Emily's probably whipped her own cream already." He blinked. "I mean...erm, never mind."
"You think so?" JJ grinned. "Oh, I don't know, she's only giving me these lingering looks, like, all the time. And she touches me whenever possible. She buys me stuff. And she has Tom Jones' 'Sex Bomb' as her personalised ring tone for me. But that's all, really."
"Women." Morgan sighed. "Just tell her. Oh, and JJ?"
"We never had this conversation. Is that clear?"
Chapter IX
JJ was beginning to think that asking Morgan for advice had been a really stupid thing to do.
"Come on, JJ. You can do it. Just tell her. It can't be that bad. Like ripping off a band aid."
"JJ?" Someone said from behind her.
"Jesus Christ!"
"Are you okay? I heard you talking..." Emily looked around the room. "...to yourself?"
"Yes, uh-huh, uh-huh. I was just...you didn't hear what I said by any chance, did you?"
"Something about clipping off a lamb hay, but I don't really know what that means."
"Darn it."
"Actually, JJ. The reason I'm here, there's something I need to say to you."
Oh, God. She's breaking up with me. And we're not even together.
"You know that supply closet encounter that started this whole debacle? Well...I...I sort of... What I'm trying to say is that..."
"It was amazing. Like, really amazing."
Photographic memory = awesome.
"Oh, really?" JJ felt oddly giggly and flipped her hair in a way too girly manner.
"Yes. So, I guess I'd just...like to know if maybe we could do it...again. And again. And..."
Giving Emily a look that was nothing short of sultry, JJ actually thanked the bastard who'd stolen the security tape.
"Just tell me when and where, and I'll be there."
"Really? Fantastic. I'll...call you?"
JJ stepped closer, a conspiratory look on her face.
"You know, my mother always says there's no time like the present."
"Oh, thank God. There's an empty office just around the corner."
But then, Hotch suddenly materialised out of thin air.
"What did I tell you about getting it on while on duty?"
JJ was not amused.
Chapter X
After Hotch had managed to crowbar the two women apart, Emily headed to the car park where Morgan was already waiting for her. They were supposed to go question two people who'd apparently been interested in buying the tape. Meanwhile, JJ headed to another location in Dorchester where, according to Garcia, the seller had been quite often.
Again, no one bothered to ask how she knew all that.
"So you're saying that this is the person who wanted to sell you the tape?" Morgan inquired and presented a very poorly sketched picture of the unsel (Unknown Seller).
"Yep, that's her. Although, her hair's a lot longer, her face more oval and she looks completely different. But other than that..."
"Wait, she? That weasel is a woman?"
"Oh, yeah. She asked for $200, but since the tape was a little amateur-ish and not very hardcore, we were only willing to pay $50."
Morgan tried to stifle a laugh.
"Amateur-ish?"
"Yeah. I mean, for instance the way the brunette stretched her neck like this? Totally a novice move."
"Well, maybe there just wasn't enough room for anything fancier."
"Whatever, lady. Look, we didn't buy the tape, and the woman said she would wait somewhere in Dorchester in case we change our minds."
"Dorchester?"
"Crap."
Chapter IX
After arriving at the intended location, JJ soon realised that she was, in fact, in the right place. After chasing a lithe, masked figure down to the basement, she made a mental note next time to call back-up before running after criminals, guns blazing.
JJ ordered the figure to stop and, to her amazement, it suddenly turned around to face her.
"Take this!" Something hit her to the shoulder, and when she glanced down, there was a trickle of what in the past had been a tomato dripping down her jacket. Disgusting.
"Oh, no you didn't." Annoyed at such a low trick, the FBI agent fired once and the figure dropped to the floor, cursing heavily. "I will never live this down," she muttered, trying to scrub the pulp off her shoulder.
And then, out of the blue, Emily was there – because the cavalry is always supposed to arrive after we need it the most.
"JJ, are you all right?"
"What?" JJ was oddly mesmerised by the taller woman. Having hot, lesbian sex at work tends to have that effect on you.
JJ was pondering whether it'd look overtly gay if she ran her hand up Emily's arm, all the way up to her cheek, when something else occurred to her.
"Where the hell did she get the tomato?"
"Huh?"
"Ah, never mind." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, who is she?"
"I cannot get a fucking break with these people."
Epilogue
And so it was that the BAU had solved yet another case. The tape was confiscated and JJ hid it behind her DVD collection at home – because you never know when you might need some inspiration.
No one was more relieved about solving the case than Emily & JJ, and they invited the rest of the team to a nearby night club to celebrate.
On her way to their table with yet another order of beer, Emily glanced lovingly at JJ who was "mingling" on the other side of the bar. And yes, the blonde had already had a few.
Quite a few, actually.
"Emily Prentiss! My girlfriend! I rule!"
Emily sighed happily, unable to tear her eyes away from JJ, while Garcia was too busy ogling at a brand new Hewlett-Packard laptop a random nerd squad was gushing over at a table nearby.
"It's time for me to show them how it's done," Garcia suddenly said and got up. She turned to Emily before joining the group of über nerds.
"And you!"
"Absolutely no sex in public places, is that clear?"
Two shadows danced, entwined, on a tile wall at the back of the night club.
"JJ?" Emily's voice was ragged and she was obviously panting.
"Yeah?" JJ sounded equally out of breath.
"Did you know they've installed security cameras in this corridor since our last night out?"
Silence.
"Fuck!"
THE END.
Title: Mystery of the Missing Video Tape (2/2)
Author:
lysachanFandom: Criminal Minds
Paring: Emily/JJ
Word count: 1,519 / 50 images
Rating: R (for bad language)
Summary: A video tape containing scandalous material goes missing, much to Emily & JJ's dismay.
Part I
Chapter VII
Garcia had narrowed down the location of the tape to two possibilities. How exactly she'd managed to do that, no one knew. Again, all that IP address shit.
While they were waiting for the exact addresses, JJ decided to get a cup of coffee – and muse about her current situation.
The blonde wasn't quite sure what she ought to do with Emily. Because while all she wanted was to grab the other woman by the lapels of her deliciously cut, red shirt and ravish her, she couldn't really do that. She couldn't just walk up to Emily and propose a round two in the second floor copy room.
...wait. Why the hell not?
JJ was just about to go find the nearest closet when Morgan walked in.
And so, an unpassable opportunity presented itself.
"Hey, Morgan. Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," he replied right away, but then quickly looked back at her. "Or, is this a new version of your 'how many press liaisons does is take to change a light bulb?' joke?"
"Ha! No. But damn, that was a funny joke. 'We can liaise in the dark'."
"I really do not have time for this." Morgan rolled his eyes and moved past JJ.
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I just wanted your opinion on how I should seduce Emily. The whole dinner & a movie before going to my place, or straight to handcuffs and whipped cream?"
Morgan turned around in a speed of light.
"What?"
"Well, you're a man. How would you do it?"
"We are so not having this conversation!"
"I mean, slipping her a note saying I want to shag her senseless, get married in Paris and adopt Chinese babies with her is a tad too forward, don't you think?"
"God, help me," Morgan muttered and stared at JJ like she'd completely lost her mind.
"God? Hmm... No, I don't think God is the right way to go here, really."
Morgan assessed the situation and came to the conclusion that he should just go along with it, because cooperating seemed to be the fastest way to escape the insanity of the female world he found himself trapped in.
"Well...maybe you should just, you know, ahem, talk to her? Tell her how you feel?"
"Oh, I can't possibly do that, now can I? That means there would be no misunderstandings, no false expectations and a peace of mind. Are you sure the whipped cream trick wouldn't work?"
"JJ, talk to her and get all of us out of our misery. And from what I've gathered, Emily's probably whipped her own cream already." He blinked. "I mean...erm, never mind."
"You think so?" JJ grinned. "Oh, I don't know, she's only giving me these lingering looks, like, all the time. And she touches me whenever possible. She buys me stuff. And she has Tom Jones' 'Sex Bomb' as her personalised ring tone for me. But that's all, really."
"Women." Morgan sighed. "Just tell her. Oh, and JJ?"
"We never had this conversation. Is that clear?"
Chapter IX
JJ was beginning to think that asking Morgan for advice had been a really stupid thing to do.
"Come on, JJ. You can do it. Just tell her. It can't be that bad. Like ripping off a band aid."
"JJ?" Someone said from behind her.
"Jesus Christ!"
"Are you okay? I heard you talking..." Emily looked around the room. "...to yourself?"
"Yes, uh-huh, uh-huh. I was just...you didn't hear what I said by any chance, did you?"
"Something about clipping off a lamb hay, but I don't really know what that means."
"Darn it."
"Actually, JJ. The reason I'm here, there's something I need to say to you."
Oh, God. She's breaking up with me. And we're not even together.
"You know that supply closet encounter that started this whole debacle? Well...I...I sort of... What I'm trying to say is that..."
"It was amazing. Like, really amazing."
Photographic memory = awesome.
"Oh, really?" JJ felt oddly giggly and flipped her hair in a way too girly manner.
"Yes. So, I guess I'd just...like to know if maybe we could do it...again. And again. And..."
Giving Emily a look that was nothing short of sultry, JJ actually thanked the bastard who'd stolen the security tape.
"Just tell me when and where, and I'll be there."
"Really? Fantastic. I'll...call you?"
JJ stepped closer, a conspiratory look on her face.
"You know, my mother always says there's no time like the present."
"Oh, thank God. There's an empty office just around the corner."
But then, Hotch suddenly materialised out of thin air.
"What did I tell you about getting it on while on duty?"
JJ was not amused.
Chapter X
After Hotch had managed to crowbar the two women apart, Emily headed to the car park where Morgan was already waiting for her. They were supposed to go question two people who'd apparently been interested in buying the tape. Meanwhile, JJ headed to another location in Dorchester where, according to Garcia, the seller had been quite often.
Again, no one bothered to ask how she knew all that.
"So you're saying that this is the person who wanted to sell you the tape?" Morgan inquired and presented a very poorly sketched picture of the unsel (Unknown Seller).
"Yep, that's her. Although, her hair's a lot longer, her face more oval and she looks completely different. But other than that..."
"Wait, she? That weasel is a woman?"
"Oh, yeah. She asked for $200, but since the tape was a little amateur-ish and not very hardcore, we were only willing to pay $50."
Morgan tried to stifle a laugh.
"Amateur-ish?"
"Yeah. I mean, for instance the way the brunette stretched her neck like this? Totally a novice move."
"Well, maybe there just wasn't enough room for anything fancier."
"Whatever, lady. Look, we didn't buy the tape, and the woman said she would wait somewhere in Dorchester in case we change our minds."
"Dorchester?"
"Crap."
Chapter IX
After arriving at the intended location, JJ soon realised that she was, in fact, in the right place. After chasing a lithe, masked figure down to the basement, she made a mental note next time to call back-up before running after criminals, guns blazing.
JJ ordered the figure to stop and, to her amazement, it suddenly turned around to face her.
"Take this!" Something hit her to the shoulder, and when she glanced down, there was a trickle of what in the past had been a tomato dripping down her jacket. Disgusting.
"Oh, no you didn't." Annoyed at such a low trick, the FBI agent fired once and the figure dropped to the floor, cursing heavily. "I will never live this down," she muttered, trying to scrub the pulp off her shoulder.
And then, out of the blue, Emily was there – because the cavalry is always supposed to arrive after we need it the most.
"JJ, are you all right?"
"What?" JJ was oddly mesmerised by the taller woman. Having hot, lesbian sex at work tends to have that effect on you.
JJ was pondering whether it'd look overtly gay if she ran her hand up Emily's arm, all the way up to her cheek, when something else occurred to her.
"Where the hell did she get the tomato?"
"Huh?"
"Ah, never mind." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, who is she?"
***
"I cannot get a fucking break with these people."
Epilogue
And so it was that the BAU had solved yet another case. The tape was confiscated and JJ hid it behind her DVD collection at home – because you never know when you might need some inspiration.
No one was more relieved about solving the case than Emily & JJ, and they invited the rest of the team to a nearby night club to celebrate.
On her way to their table with yet another order of beer, Emily glanced lovingly at JJ who was "mingling" on the other side of the bar. And yes, the blonde had already had a few.
Quite a few, actually.
"Emily Prentiss! My girlfriend! I rule!"
Emily sighed happily, unable to tear her eyes away from JJ, while Garcia was too busy ogling at a brand new Hewlett-Packard laptop a random nerd squad was gushing over at a table nearby.
"It's time for me to show them how it's done," Garcia suddenly said and got up. She turned to Emily before joining the group of über nerds.
"And you!"
"Absolutely no sex in public places, is that clear?"
***
Two shadows danced, entwined, on a tile wall at the back of the night club.
"JJ?" Emily's voice was ragged and she was obviously panting.
"Yeah?" JJ sounded equally out of breath.
"Did you know they've installed security cameras in this corridor since our last night out?"
Silence.
"Fuck!"
THE END.
